So, I have recieved several messages and comments regarding my story, and I thank you all for your support. There is just something kinda bugging me, so I'm gonna let it out, K? The point of this post is not to bash on anything or anyone. It's just my view from this side of the mask. I apologise if anyone disagrees or is offended with what I say. It's just how I see it.
For background, I was born and raised as a member of the Church of Jesus Chirst of Latter-Day Saints, or Mormon. In our church, we believe that Christ suffered everything there is including our sins, our sorrows, our pain both physically and emotionally, and in sum-up he knows everything we feel and go through.
I believe this whole heartedly. He is there and has been there for me. Some days, a continuous silent prayer was the only way I could get through the hours in the hellroom. If I didn't believe Christ was there for me, I don't think I could have made it.
But...
As much as I wish He was, Christ is not an instant cure-all. Neither is the Atonement. If it was, I would have been fine years ago, and I wouldn't be writing this blog.
A lot of the comments were on the lines of "trust in the Lord and Christ... Use the Atonement, that's why it's there... We love you and God loves you, and if you put everything into His hands, He will heal you..." and so on.
Let me let you in on a little secret...
It's very, very hard for God to take care of everything for you.
If God took care of everything for you, there would have been no point in this life, because there would be no growing, no learning, no agency.
Just like you can't put all of your sorrows and pain into your neighbors' hands.
I can't put everything into his hands, no more than I can put everything into yours.
Because I have to learn to deal with it myself.
He did not make any of my decisions for me. No matter how much I asked, the abuse didn't stop until I got out, not because He made it stop. I had to help myself, in order for him to help me.
I know, for myself, that I have a heavenly ally. But that's what he is. He is an ally. He, no matter how much I want Him too, He cannot just magic away my pain. He has to let me suffer, so that I am stronger.
When Christ was on the cross, God withdrew His spirit, just for a little bit, just so Christ would know what it feels like to not have the Spirit of the Lord with Him. God had to let Christ suffer.
Similarly, Christ helps me with my pain and my suffering. But talk to anyone who has suffered pain. Talk to a child who was a victim of a parents' divorce. Or a mother who lost a child. A cancer patient. A victim of sexual abuse. The pain never goes away. It's always there. The degree may lesson, but it never fully goes away.
So, no, Christ cannot take that pain away. He does make it better, but it's never gone.
You may believe differently. I am not trying to say it's my way or the highway. I'm just saying, in my experience, Christ, the Atonement...
The instant-Atonement-cure-all does not exhist.
So stop telling me to go to Christ and turn to the Atonement to heal me.
I've been there the whole time.
And, no, the pain hasn't gone away.
... And, sadly... It never will.
